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And, then there are the unspoken questions once inherent in any semi-intimate interaction with a white guy: Do you want to date me as a way to stick it to grandma?
Will my “ Richard Tanne’s film “Southside with You” tells the story of Barack and Michelle Obama’s first date.
Men of character, wit and charisma, alongside whom I have spent some of the best times of my life. East and South Asians, Persians, Arabs, Native Americans, Polynesians — all options as far as I was concerned. Then came the night my girlfriend jokingly called me a racist after I rejected a list of possible options, including her brilliant and cute brother, because they just were “not my type,” my longtime code for “melanin-deficient.” We laughed about it. I pride myself on being open and accepting people at face value, yet, consciously or not, I was writing off millions of single and potentially interesting American men simply because they were white.
Yet, until recently, I did not consider white men as romantic prospects. Meanwhile, my social circle is full of black women married to or dating white men.
It is those latter reasons, the ones based on fear vs. When I look at my dating choices in context, my exclusive focus on men of color seems limiting and provisional, and more important, at odds with my truth vs. I learned to two-step at a bonfire at someone’s deer lease back in Texas.
It even exploded into T-shirts being offered on a website stating, “Black Women Are Trash.” As with most 140-character debates, the true losers of this battle were nuance, context and mutual respect.A few days ago, my homegirl Evita posted that quote on her Instagram.While she posted it in relation to what she deemed to be a successful mindset to bring into an individual relationship, recent events opened my eyes to the truism of that statement not just as an ideology for a single couple, but a mantra that desperately needs to be understood throughout the Black community, particularly regarding how we treat one another.Black woman problem, because that’s only tempting analysis paralysis.
Instead, there’s a more pertinent solution we should be looking into: How can we work on ourselves, so we can be better men to the Black women in our lives?I lived that feeling as the token black girl in my West Texas hometown’s elite circles. I am a woman who grew up with a “Love is Colorblind” figurine in her room, for goodness sake!